Fuck a 9 to 5

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I frequently read Forbes magazine and watch successful entrepreneurs testimonials on YouTube. And a lot of what I feel they have in common is the concept of doing what you love. Also contributing to the advancement of humanity.
  ” if you’re not doing what you love , then you’re bound to fail. Doing what you love will keep you going when things get difficult.” I believe Steve Jobs said something like this. That’s why I quit my job at an H.E.B warehouse. I felt like a slave. It wasn’t about the money it’s the feeling you get when you’re work. And I hated it.
I love the freedom of bikes , skateboards and anything having to do with the Arts. So what the he’ll was I doing in a warehouse, sounds like suicide for someone like me huh?
So I got a new job, working for an entrepreneur who started his own deli delivery business. And guess what I get paid to do? Take three guesses… Nope…. Nope… You’re right! Ride around downtown on my bike delivering food. Even if its something I don’t do long term I like it. I guess time will tell.

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Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back!

Alright so I know I’ve been gone a long time. About 2 years now. Last time I wrote on here I was in Hawaii visiting my dad, and it was a great experience. But you know, I got to come back home and refuel. To be honest I think I was meant to travel just something in my blood I don’t know. But I do have a lot of things to talk about, a lot of things I’ve been through, a lot of things I want to get off my chest and share with the world cuz I know we’be all been through similar situation. Nothing new. Just life stories. Bare with me though, this rabbit hole is deep.

The Law of Attraction

Ok, so I am not a philosopher nor am I that strange life coach guy who claims to have all the answers. I am not the guy doing yoga at the beach at six am definitely not the hippie type. I am just a regular guy who happens to believe that the “universe” is bigger and has greater depth than the concept of the man in the sky that controls everything.
There has to be more to life than that right?
I do believe in God but not in the traditional way. And I told myself that I wouldn’t make this about God or religion but I do feel it necessary to touch on my relationship with religion before I talk about the law of attraction.
Well, I do believe

if you want something bad enough , all the universe comes to aid you in your pursuits

Or something like that, I got it from the book The Alchemist. I believe that belief in something makes it real, makes it tangible, and eventually that belief makes it manifest. I do also understand that mere belief isn’t enough. Though it’s a huge part, action is another. You gotta be an absolute idiot to want something and sit around praying for it, without apply your part to make it happen.
I discovered this concept or ideology a while back before I knew all of this. While in Austin I felt it in my body and soul that I needed to leave. I saw signs. I had dreams and within a couple weeks of this belief getting stronger, I left. I had a belief, the belief turned to action and next came the manifestation of that belief. No one help me leave it was all me, so when I read about it months later it all made sense to me.
I’m sure I won’t read this again after I publish it, like all my other posh but I guess it’s good to share and vent into cypher-space once in a while.

Just another day in Paradise/Song of the Lone Wolf

Sitting at the dock of the bay, watching the tide roll away. Watching the waves crash over the rocks and consume my shoes with salt water. Reminiscent of my emotions, ‘cept the water is loneliness and I the rock. Though I tend to appear tough and hard on the outside as these rocks, I cannot deny that these waves that pursue me are eroding my facade. I’m not happy anymore. How does it feel to be alone?How does it feel to be a rolling stone?

strength

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Venting

Have you ever heard someone say that another person has too much “baggage”? I spoke with a friend of my about this girl he was interested in. Granted, I am not an expert by any means on relationships or what to do. But, he asked for my opinion so I gave him my two cents. He stated the girl’s carrying too much baggage carry. My friend is thirty-one yrs old, leaves with his mama, works at a part time job were everyone is under twenty-one except him and the managers. So I just told him, where are you going that you can’t carry her baggage. I mean come on bruh, I mean no wonder you’re where you are with thinking like that. Everyone has problems so being a wreak like you are, and you say she’s a wreak too, why not be a wreak together? Help each other out. Me personally I know I have problems and I think the ones who can admit them are the strongest because by admitting them they become less of a problem. I’ll admit I’m obsessed with becoming wealth. It’s consumed how I feel about everything. How I treat relationships, what I do, my habits, and obviously my goals. I feel that theres no neec for friends unless they are like minded and can contribute to me accomplishing what i want. It’s sad because I can see that everything comes second to what I wanna do. I know that’s a huge deal for female to carry if you want me. That’s why my relationships don’t last long but to me it’s best that way. So that’s my baggage. All of the other things that plagued my life growing up, I totally let them go.
Anyway the whole thing about letting go is easy enough when you figure out the things that are holding you back have happened so long ago there’s no reason to keep them alive by letting the linger in your mind. If that makes sense. I’m not a life coach so if it doesn’t then oh well. Back to the whole baggage thing, I used to feel a different way about it. I used to feel lonely sometimes, because I noticed no one felt like me and they didn’t think the same as I did. It was like I grew apart from all my friends within a year. We all noticed it. I felt like, damn I’m lonely but then I would think , yeah I’m lonely but it was my loneliness. And with that I felt comforted that it made me feel stronger knowing I could deal with it myself. And myself was all I needed. I’m not talking about the sulking in the corner of a dark room loneliness, I’m talking about more of a personality/ mentality loneliness. I had friends but the all sucked because we grew apart right in front of me. And they wanted to do things such as go to a club, and is rather read a screenwriting guide or research acting methods. I don’t know where I’m going with all this but I guess I’m just venting. Chalk it up to being young and having a blog.

D.T.R.T. #2

I have the upmost respect for this woman. I’m twenty-one, and yes she is older than me, so of course her values and what she wants is different than mine. She has great jobs, has her own car, house and everything else a woman hopes to attain on her own. Except a family.
So, if you’re familiar with my first (Do the Right Thing) post you know what’s going on. Anyway, one night we get to talking about goals, out on the beach in Kailua. I tell her about acting and screenwriting, these are a few things I wish to pursue. I tell her about L.A. and how I will be leaving to follow my dream. She says that’s great, you know, in that tone that women have when they want to sound supportive but if really hurts on the inside. I understand why though. I ask about her goals and the first thing she says is a family. She says that she has already has everything else she could want. I’m thinking it makes since now. It makes sense when she disregarded my gesture to wrap myself up. But anyway, this was a while back and since then I’ve been feeling different towards her. I like her, a lot. She’s a great person. Now I find myself wanting more, I mean I’m not ready for a family but I wouldn’t mind being with her.
Last night I spoke on my feelings for her for the first time, and she totally shot me down. She said I’m not looking for the same thing she is. Now, she knows what I want to do with my life, she preferred to have sex without a condom so she can start her family, and now she has changed from wanting to start a family with me to wanting me to stick to “my” plan.
Now a days you have some women willing to have a baby with a man because he’s going places. For his money. They have athletes and musicians babies. Money, money, money. But I respect the fact that she sees what I want to do. Like, this kid has plans he’s not like these island boys out here, so it would be fucked up to trap him here like that. Exactly the way I see it. When she said that, I ain’t gonna lie I was in love. For someone to be so selfless. I give her the upmost respect, not that I didn’t before but it’s different now. That’s a grown ass women that I admire and I got so much love for her now.
But with that, I know it’s going to be different now. I wish things could stay the same before feelings made things complicated. Before we both were so vulnerable. But that life.

Live Long

Honestly, I feel like if I can do something that benefits mankind, and also establish a movement that will be remembered long after I am gone, then that’s a life worth living. I want to represent something great, I want my life to be like David and Goliath. I want people to tell amazing stories about what I stood for. I want my accomplishments to not only be personally gainful but I want to live for other too. The people I look up to died at such a young age but still remain in the hearts of many, decades later. I want a story like that. I want a story like Jimi Hendrix, like James Dean, Muhammad Ali, Huey Newton, Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X, Steve Jobs. I want Nat Turners bravery and righteousness ,Che Guevara’s determination, and Dick Gregory’s wisdom. I just pray God keeps me close.
“You can’t reach for the Stars holding on to the Grass”

Before I’m Gone

I come from a huge family. I am the youngest of eight children. Five boys and three girls. All my other siblings share the same father, I’m the only different one. I do not know him nor do I want to. He has a whole other family I don’t know either, my half brother and sisters on his side.
Two of my brothers are in jail. Serving fed time. One is on his way back in. And my oldest brother was shot before I was born. I’m the only male in my family without a record.
My eldest sister was the cause of my two brothers going to prison. So we don’t talk to her. I hardly know her anyway. One of my other sisters is a teacher and the other a chef.
My mother….
People always complain about how other individuals feed there family and make a living without knowing a thing about them. They just basically say, is what their doing up to par with my morals. Fuck your morals. This country has always been run by thieves, murders, thugs and liars. So how can you tell the kid trying to get a tepee among mansions that the way he got it us wrong. Real talk Ima do what I gotta do to get mine and support my family. So if you read my blog and wonder why I said that , now at least you have a little insight to the true motives. Before I’m gone Ill break my back to put my family in a better place and make sure they don’t suffer anymore. How you gon judge me?